America is known for being the land of the free, home of the brave. However, during the last 30+ years, it seems to have adopted a new slogan: America, land of the free, home of the blame. These days, whenever something bad happens, we tend to ask, “Whose fault is it? Who can I point the finger at so that I don’t ever have to face the reality that I am responsible for my condition and position in life?” We seem to have abandoned our sense of personal responsibility.
All one has to do is tune into any news outlet for five minutes or drive the streets of any city in this country. You’ll find story after story of people blaming others for their perceived misfortune.
One of the reasons that personal responsibility is dying a slow death is that there is a growing audience that wants their ‘free stuff’ to which they feel is owed by the world. You’ll frequently hear phrases like, “I’ll get what’s mine” and “I deserve that” spew from the lips of this entitled class. Since when do you deserve anything without working for it?
Unfortunatley, feeding into this societal ill, there is a never ending supply of attorneys from here to Texas willing to get it for them. Suing has become a new career for people in our culture. Anywhere in America, you’ll see billboards, bus wraps and virtually every other ad space promoting personal injury attorneys wanting to “get you the money you deserve”. Arrested while driving drunk? They tell you, “It’s not your fault you chose to pour that alcohol down your gullet and drive yourself home. That’s right. Pay us a crap ton of cash and we’ll get you off.’ Yay! Automatic do-over. It’s like it never even happened.
If that isn’t bad enough, our kids are also being subjected to this ideology at an early age with some school districts allowing advertisers, lawyers specifically, to use buses as billboards. It’s no wonder we have an adult population that thinks like this.
In a glimmer of hope, some have started to fight back at this ideology. I recently saw a billboard that gave me a little hope. It read, “Please Don’t Feed The Trial Lawyers.” If there is no market for them, they will eventually disappear.
America Is Not Alone in Her Struggle
Here in America, we don’t have a monopoly on this toxic ideology. It may be a global problem. My wife is a native of England and I recently spoke to a member of her family who still resides in Lincolnshire, to gain an international perspective on this topic. Below is what she shared.
In 1947 our ‘welfare state’ was created with unemployment and child benefits. It has broadened over the years to include benefits such as housing, clothing, furniture, etc.
In 1948 the British National Health Service was formed with health care ‘free’ at the point of delivery for anyone who needs it. The principle behind these ‘universal benefits’ is that everyone in work contributes and everyone can claim the benefits, and this is a marvellous, philanthropic, altruistic principle.
Unfortunately, over the years the benefits system has become abused. Some folks’ attitude to the benefits has shifted. Some who didn’t need the benefits claimed them; some realised that they could get the benefits without doing the work: some found that they were better off on benefits than in low-paid work and some began to regard the benefits as ‘free’.
Combine this change in attitude with massive changes in domestic and social life, and you have a sector of society that believes it is their right to have all these benefits without doing the work and making the contributions. This group believes that the state should provide. They do not realise that someone has to work to produce the wealth that pays for the benefits: thus, their ‘personal responsibility’ is non-existent.
How Did We Get Here?
Part of the reason we find ourselves at this current place is the feelings movement. I don’t know why this idea has spread so fast or what made so many believe it’s a bad thing that, ‘we don’t want anyone’s feelings to be hurt so we will slowly engineer a society filled with soft people.’ I’m guessing the intentions were noble and good, but like many intentions, they come with unintended consequences.
A friend from my youth is a professor of psychology at College of the Canyons in Santa Clarita, California. She tells me she sees the fruits of the blame game and irresponsibility on a daily basis. It shows in the form of students wanting credit for work not done in her classes. She says,
When parents give their kids everything and don’t make them earn their way in life, they show up in my community college classes - expecting to be given a grade they did not earn. Why? Because, in their words, ‘they deserve it.’ They ‘worked hard’ and you ‘owe it’ to them.’ This is what they tell me, email me, and leave me voicemails about. I have seen a huge change in the attitudes of my students and their sense of entitlement. It’s rude, it’s classless, and it isn’t going to serve them well in life. Sorry, I can’t bump your overall grade of a 32% to a C. Ugh! And somehow their failure is my fault?
What we do deserve are the results of hard work rightfully earned. Yes I said it. Earned. That may be considered a taboo word in our culture, perhaps even hate-speech. If so then call me a hater.
Resurrecting Personal Responsibility
The first thing we can do is change the ‘woe is me’ narrative that permeates our society. We have to start reminding the current generation and teaching the new the worth of hard work and genuine effort. What we genuinely earn we place a higher value on. That which is handed to us is disregarded and marginalized. When you bust your ass to win, the reward is absolutely glorious. It’s a righteous acquisition. When you’re rewarded for mediocrity, the only incentive is to create more of the same. Kids know it and adults know it.
We’ve got to hold others, and especially ourselves, accountable for our actions. Always. If we continue with the same irresponsible behaviors, we will continue to produce the same average lives, and our story will never change.
No more 7th place trophies or silly participation ribbons should be given. Showing up is all well and good but doesn’t warrant a huge reward. We aren’t fooling anyone with hollow accolades either. If a kid gets first place because he killed it on the field, he knows it. If a participation trophy is given, that kid also inherently knows; it is of little value and will get tossed in the trash. Visit any thrift store and you’ll find an abundance of discarded trophies.
You are not the victim of circumstance. You’re the product of a series of choices.The good news? You can always make another choice. —
I am not stone cold and heartless. I recognize there will always be examples of undeserved challenges: children born into absolute poverty who may be unable to change their circumstances, health issues that strike without warning, mental illness unchecked, crippling cases of abuse, physical injuries, and the like. For the most part, however, we are all capable of change and reaching our full potential if we choose.
We are where we are mostly because of choices we made or did not make. This is should give us all hope, a greater sense of power and ownership of our own lives knowing we are responsible. No one else. Since it IS our fault, then it IS up to us to change our circumstances so that we have the ability to create and enjoy the lifestyle we truly want.
Put off the attitude of the past wherein you point fingers at others trying to lay blame at their feet. Embrace ownership and responsibility. It will be more difficult and uncomfortable, but it will be so worth it. Anything worth having is worth the effort to have.
Own it. Change it. Live it. Love it. And remember, it will ALWAYS be your fault.